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Relationship GoalsSingles / Daters

Change Your Story to Change Your Life

When we get stuck and could use some help:

I was on an airplane recently where I made an exception to a strict rule that I always abide by. I don’t usually engage in conversation with the person sitting next to me. I’m not antisocial (if you know me, you’re probably shocked). I usually have work to do. Therefore, I like to just focus on the flight.  In addition, we all know that once that conversation door is open, your row mate may talk your ear off all the way to China. O.K, it’s not that bad – people are respectful but just in case I get a gabber, I make it a rule to keep to myself. This case was different. There was a lady sitting next to me who was talking to her contractor on the phone as we were taking off. She was visibly upset and frustrated. I could tell that when she got off the phone, she needed to vent so I offered my ears. Of course after hearing her story, we kept on talking. At one point she asked me what I do for work, and when I told her, her eyes lit up and teared up. After a moment, she proclaimed “Ohhhhhhhh, I could really use your help!” I was sucked in, but I was ok with it, because helping people is what fuels my soul- my work could wait and I reminded myself that maybe there was a reason why I was sitting next to her. Maybe she was meant to open up to me because she needed some sort of wake-up call…so I listened to her story.

I learned that she was divorced and frustrated with dating. She said that she has dated a bunch of guys in the past few years but whenever they start to get too close she does something that pushes them away. For example she said that she has this thing where she always has to be right, no matter what, and it pains her when she finds herself being condescending and “mean.”  I suggested to her that perhaps this is because she wants to be able to reject the guy before he rejects her. If you think about it, it’s quite silly, (but we as humans can be quite silly at times).  Why would anyone want to end something that could have potential? Why would anyone want to sabotage something real that feels good, that feels right, and why would anyone want to jeopardize love in general? It’s not every day that we make connections, however, they do happen. My row mate expressed that she doesn’t get it and she is angry with herself that she does this every time. She wants to change because in her heart she wants to open up as she knows the gift that a loving relationship can bring to her life.

Breaking free:

I see this in my practice all the time. If your heart is closed because of an incident or two (or seven) in the past, there is no way that you are going to be able to connect on a deeper level and bond the way you’d like to if you can’t be vulnerable and open yourself up to let someone else in. If you’re stuck in your old story and stuck in the past, how will you ever be able to live in the present long enough to manifest your future? Staying in victim-land only keeps you lonely. Everyone has been hurt. If you stay in victim mode, you’re going to continue to attract the same relationship over and over again and you’ll never move forward with your life. You will be surviving, but not thriving.

Change your story to change your life:

No more, “I’m never the one who gets to feel special!” Or, “I’m just unlucky in love!” That’s not the truth- you’re making that story up based on your past. If you want to keep living that story, then keep on believing it, or you can cleanse your lens of perception and see things the way that they are. Opportunities for love are around you at all times- the abundance of love that is waiting for you is infinite.  Above all, get out of your own way and believe that it IS going to happen for you, and it will.