Any breakup is going to hurt. Even in the worst relationship, there’s a level of self-doubt regarding what you did wrong, why no one finds you appealing enough to stay, and the loss of shared friends. Getting over a breakup isn’t easy, but you can learn from the past and embrace a happier future with these tips.
Take Precautions to Protect Yourself
Depending on the length and depth of the relationship, you might need to start by protecting yourself. If you’re ending a marriage, there will be issues like housing, custody of children and pets, and personal items to navigate.
As tempting as it is to say you want nothing, you have to take precautions to protect yourself. If moving out puts you at risk of homelessness, you need to have housing arranged first. Make sure you’re able to get into your old home and collect your items. If your ex moved out of your shared home, consider having a friend there at the time your ex plans to pick up the rest of his or her personal belongings.
No one wants to have to talk about the impact of an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, but they happen. If you were in one, be honest with yourself. It wasn’t your fault. If you need a restraining order get help from legal aid. If the relationship involved emotional abuse, work with a therapist specializing in emotionally abusive relationships to heal yourself.
Limit Contact With Your Ex
Once you’ve broken up, move on. Don’t feel tempted to keep circling back to your ex to catch up. Unless the breakup was completely amicable, dwelling on the past is not going to help you move on. Starting a new life is the most important step now, and that means focusing on yourself without your ex’s influence.
If you have kids together, you have to have some contact. If it helps you limit the contact, you could have a friend or family member pick up or drop off your children. You could also pick up a neutral area like a restaurant or store.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve and Feel the Loss
The relationship is over, and now is the time to grieve, feel the loss, and prepare to move on. A relationship has been part of your daily existence for however long, and even if it was only a few months, it’s going to affect you emotionally.
It’s okay to grieve. Allow yourself to be sad, frustrated, or even angry. Take care of yourself emotionally. If you’re not sure you can do it on your own, don’t feel ashamed if you feel you need to work with a therapist. It’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is an important stage of a breakup. It’s time to stop focusing on others and focus on yourself emotionally and physically. Do this by:
- Eating the right foods
- Spending time alone to reflect
- Enjoying hobbies
- Getting enough exercise
- Socializing
When you practice self-care, you’re taking care of your emotional and physical health. You are learning to de-stress, stop the negative self-talk, and realize your own value. You also need to consider your physical health. That stereotypical breakup pint of ice cream may be all you want, but the sugar and fat become a trap. The more you eat, the worse you feel about yourself, which adds to the cycle.
Now is a good time to explore your interests and take up new hobbies. You’ve discovered that you love spending time outside, but you don’t feel safe walking alone. Join a walking group and get to know others who also enjoy exploring area parks and nature preserves.
Develop the Right Mindset
One of the hardest aspects of a breakup involves learning that your shared friends side more with your ex than you. If your friends decide they’d rather hang out with your ex and leave you alone, they were never your good friends. You have true friends out there, even if you have to find them.
They’re not worth your time. They’ve made their choices, and you don’t have to mourn their loss. You’re strong and can start over with an entirely new friend group.
Learn and Grow
Once you’ve started taking care of yourself, it’s a good time to start learning about yourself. The more you know about your likes, dislikes, and habits, the more you can grow and become the person you appreciate and feel comfortable being.
Try different hobbies to see what excites you. Spend time in public and see if you meet anyone you enjoy spending time with. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, either. You want to start learning who you enjoy being around. You want to develop a list of qualities you’re looking for.
The best way to find a successful relationship is by figuring out what you do and don’t want in a potential partner. You avoid a lot of wasted time when you know exactly what qualities you want.
Find Out Who You Are
Each time you go out and meet someone, talk about it in a journal. A week later, go back and read your entries. A month later, reread your entries. Keep mental notes on things that go well and things that don’t. It helps you determine who you are, what you want, and where to go next.
You might want to enter into a new relationship right away, but you might decide you like being single. It’s okay to experience life as a single person for a while.
Gain Optimism as You Start Again
Once you reenter the dating world, be optimistic. A positive mood will go further. When you find someone to get to know, don’t bring up your ex. It’s a turnoff and will impede any potential relationship.
Remember that you’re strong, lovable, and destined for great things. If you need to put that mantra somewhere to keep saying it until you believe it, do so.
You are strong. You are loveable, And, you’re definitely destined for great things. Finding the right person takes time, and it can take a bit of trial and error. The best relationships take time to find and grow. Remember that.
Don’t Rush
Take your time and don’t rush the process. Any relationship, no matter how short, is going to leave a lasting impact. Good or bad, you need to address it in order to grow and continue your journey for fulfillment.
The Relationship Expert has been called “the #1 Relationship Coach Transforming Lives.” Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, is a relationship coach, expert, and host of “Love Talk Live.” She’s shared her insights and experiences on ABC, CBS, NBC, and many other news agencies and magazines. If you need help getting over a breakup, she’s here to help you heal and reach your relationship goals.
