True love is more than a feeling. There’s also the communication style you use that expresses your love on an emotional level. Yet, so many couples struggle with how to express love. Love languages are something just out of reach that could help make many marriages fulfilling, life-long achievements.
As an online marriage therapist, The Relationship Expert is the #1 expert in love languages. Take the journey to learn how to use them to strengthen your bond with your partner.
A Breakdown of What the Five Love Languages Are
There are five love languages used in marriage therapy that prove useful in forming an emotional bond in a marriage. Explore them below.
Acts of Service
Doing things to help out is what an act of service is. Helping a partner without being asked is one of the best forms of expressing love. Your wife was up all night with a colicky infant, and you know she’s exhausted. You could make breakfast and offer to take the infant for a walk so that she can take her time showering and getting dressed.
Gift Giving
Surprise gifts are a nice way to show your love and appreciation. You know your husband has been dying to see a movie that’s coming out. Buy tickets and take him out to see it without telling him in advance. Make it a surprise night out. Your wife loves a specific musician and you learn that artist is coming to town. Purchase tickets and hide them in a dozen roses. Surprise your wife with them when you get home from work.
Random, unexpected gifts are going to make an impression. It helps your spouse feel appreciated and valued.
Physical Touch
Touch is important in maintaining a strong relationship, too. You don’t want your spouse thinking that the only time it’s worth touching them is when they want sex. Physical touch needs to happen regularly. A hand on the small of the back as you pass in the hallway, or hold hands while walking the dog.
Quality Time
Quality time is especially important. It’s easy to get lost in a routine of work, household chores, kids’ needs, and family demands. As often as possible, at least twice a month, set aside quality time where it’s just the two of you.
Don’t forget that as much as it’s important to be together, it’s also important for your spouse to have time alone. Self-care is just as important as it sets the stage for a positive mood that makes quality time enjoyable. If you ensure there is a path for your spouse to have time for self-care, it can increase the odds of having quality moments together.
Verbal Expressions
Being told you look great, that your outfit is a fantastic color, or that you’re a fantastic cook are all verbal expressions that help your partner feel appreciated and good about themselves. A verbal expression isn’t something that should be forced. It should come naturally and at random moments.
How Do You Identify and Use the Five Love Languages Each Day
That’s what love languages are, how can you use them every day? Here’s an example. You’re the first one up each morning, so you get the coffee set up and ready to brew as soon as you hear your spouse stirring. You’re surprising her with her favorite breakfast, too, and have the batter ready for Belgian waffles with strawberries and cream. (Gift Giving)
After she showers and gets dressed, you compliment how her blue shirt makes her eyes pop. (Verbal Expressions) You know she has to spend time helping her mom shop for groceries and run errands. Once she leaves, you get dinner going in the slow cooker. You also order groceries for delivery while she’s out and tackle what you can from her to-do list. (Acts of Service)
When she arrives back home later, she’s happily surprised to see she can sit down and enjoy dinner. You give her a shoulder massage and tell her to go take a bath while you do the dishes. (Physical Touch) She’s relaxed and appreciates everything you did to help her out. That’s one of the best ways to end a day.
The Benefits of Utilizing Love Languages in Your Marriage
When you use love languages as often as you can, hopefully daily, you improve communication and form a strong emotional connection. It makes your spouse feel appreciated and loved, which is fulfilling. It also helps your spouse feel respected and valued, both important for a relationship.
Happily married couples don’t deal with as much conflict and frustration. No relationship will be 100% conflict-free, but when you know how to connect emotionally, conflicts can be resolved maturely and respectfully.
Love Languages Are Not Enough: Additional Tips From The Relationship Expert
While it’s important to form an emotional connection, love languages are not enough. It’s equally important for couples to build strong communication skills. Does this sound familiar?
You are having a tough day at work and aren’t looking forward to cooking dinner. You reach out to your husband and talk about how difficult a day you’ve had and how you’re exhausted. You hope he’ll infer from that that you want him to have takeout ordered and ready to eat when you get home.
Hours later, you arrive home and find that he’s watching the game with his beer. He’s not ordered anything, and he asks you what’s for dinner. You’re upset, and it’s time to give him the silent treatment because he didn’t read your mind. Had you communicated your needs better, this entire situation could have been avoided.
Effective communication is important in a happy marriage, too. You need to be able to communicate, but you also need to know how to resolve conflicts constructively.
When you use love languages, effective communication, and constructive conflict resolution, you end up with a marriage that’s on solid ground. It can be hard to see that from within your marriage. Sometimes, it’s helpful to work with a marriage expert.
Jaime believes in the law of attraction and knows there is the perfect person out there for people who believe true love exists. She has four main rules:
- Listen to yourself.
- Love yourself.
- Trust yourself.
- And, most importantly, follow your lead.
She offers online sessions via Zoom if you can’t get to her office. Or, schedule a session to meet her in person and discuss how to decode the love language.
