Have you ever stopped to wonder what really matters to you? What are your highest priorities in life? What’s your purpose?
What’s your “why?”
I was recently asked what matters to me right now, and the interesting thing is that what came to me is that what matters to me right now is what has always mattered to me and what always will matter to me.
Let’s break it down: what does “matter” mean? To me, it means the important things in life, what I value, and what has meaning to me.
According to Google’s definition of “matter,” it is:
“To be of importance; have significance.”
If you ever struggle to find what matters in your life, think about what is insignificant and what doesn’t matter to you and then think of the opposite, and that will be what does matter.
What doesn’t matter are relationships that don’t bring you joy. What does matter are relationships that help build you up; you feel more elevated in life because of the relationship.
Without further adieu:
Love is why we live.
Love matters; it really matters. Why does it matter so much? It matters because it’s the foundation of everything in life. From an evolutionary point of view, you need love to continue the cycle of life. You don’t hear about people who hate each other wanting to have a child together. Love leads to the continuation of life, and life leads to the continuation of love, and the cycle is never-ending. The more love we cultivate in our lives, the more love there will be in the world, and love is contagious. Being around love helps to inspire your love within, so it’s important to spend time around people who show love which brings me to the importance of showing versus telling. Show people you love them through your actions. Life is too short to have anything less than loving relationships. Forgive, hug, love, grow and thrive together in love.
What I’ve learned through my experience on this earth for 44 years is that happiness is subjective. It doesn’t matter what your life looks like on paper.
If you don’t feel happy, then you need to figure out why and do what you can to bring about more happiness in your life.
The crazy thing that people don’t realize is that happiness is an inside job. People are often unhappy because they aren’t showing up as themselves- they feel like they’ve lost themselves. No one in the world will make you happy- people can enhance your happiness, but it really needs to start with you. So, happiness matters to me because I feel whole when I feel happy. I am in the flow of life, and I feel more relaxed when I feel happy. When I am happy, everything in life is better. Happiness matters because, just like love, happiness is contagious. When we are happy, we enjoy our relationships more. We can access the fruits and squeeze out that delicious nectar of our close relationships with people- we thrive and can actually see the purpose of relationships, which is joy and connection; it all feels great.
Peace matters to me; on a micro and macro level. My inner peace and my inner state matter to me because when I feel at peace, I feel more productive- I can create and manifest more.
World peace matters to me. The only reason why we have so much war and duality in this world is that people don’t feel peace within. If people felt at peace in their own lives, they’d have no reason to harm others or disrupt other’s lives. I know that war will never end, but I will continue to do my part to talk about peace and show up as peace to the best of my ability.
Every time someone feels more peaceful, the level of “againstness” lessens.
My family matters to me. The relationships that I cultivate within my family matter to me. My family’s individual member’s happiness matters to me. When we are thriving in our relationships with our family members, life seems easier. Our families have the potential to provide a great deal of support and love. I encourage you to do the best you can to mend any familial relationships that are struggling.
Don’t judge! Love your loved-ones unconditionally without judgment and forgive. Have compassion for your family members. Everyone is always doing the best they can, and some people have limitations- rise above and be the “bigger,” more evolved human being.
Support those you hold closest to your heart; it feels good to support and to be supported by your loving family.
And have FUN with your family. Cultivate as much meaningful, fun, light-hearted time with your family members as possible.
It is my purpose on this earth to help people enhance their lives.
As a therapist and coach, I get to fulfill my purpose every day. And with my family and friends, I am always doing my best to show up for people. Whether it’s my clients or my friends or family, I allow them to be who they are – to express themselves – flaws and all as I provide a safe space where they can vent. I can be a sounding board, an advocate, someone to be accountable to, someone they can rely on and feel unconditional love from.
I have always known that one of my missions in life is to help people. From as early as I can remember, helping people enhance their life has always brought me an abundance of joy. When I was a kid, I spent time with sick children at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago and sang and danced for them with a group of other kids. I fed the homeless, and in high school, I volunteered at a nursing home and worked with students who were educablly mentally disabled. It’s hard to explain why I love helping people so much, but all I can say is that knowing that I have been a part of enhancing someone’s happiness lights me up, so it makes sense why I chose a career as a therapist.
My heart is so big that it sometimes doesn’t know how to contain itself.
I wish that I could help the world, but as my dad taught me, what matters in life is quality over quantity.
I can specifically remember my first year of graduate school struggling with that concept a bit. I was working at a daycare center in Harlem. The kids that went there came from very stressful homelives. Oh, how I loved those kids. One after another, just full of light, innocence, and preciousness. I recall calling my mom one evening after work with uncontrollable tears running down my cheeks. My sadness was overwhelming. My heart hurt because I wanted to help all of them, and it made me sad to think that after my internship, how would I be able to help them? I wanted to be there for ALL of them as they grew up. My mom said something that helped me shift and see things from a different perspective. She said, “Jaime, did you give one kid a hug today?” Of course- I gave many kids hugs today. “Ok, I want you to know that if you have helped one child today, that’s all that matters. One hug goes a long way. You can’t save the world, but if you impact one life at a time, you’ve done your job.” I calmed down and took a deep breath, and felt better. I have never forgotten that moment! I need to remind myself about that even now, as an adult. As long as I know that I am helping one client at a time, one session at a time, I know I’m doing my job. When I hear “Thank you so much, I feel lighter,” my world and THE world feels lighter as well.
At the end of the day, what matters most are our relationships. Our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with one another. Relationships aren’t always easy but know that the happier you are within, the happier your relationships with others on the outside will be.
We need each other! We need to learn from one another and grow together. We need to have fun together, create together and live harmonious lives filled with as much joy and love as possible.