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Dating After A Breakup | The How To Guide From A Relationship Expert

So, here you are again- back in “Doomsville”…. Yes, you had another breakup! I know, I know, you said that you would NEVER go through it again- this relationship was it- it was THE ONE! You were done with first dates forever…. So how did you end up here? Well, the “how” really doesn’t matter; it’s about accepting that you are here, that we’ve all been there, and you will get through it and be on your way to finding the one just like everyone who has come before you who found their “One”!

Accepting The Breakup:

Now that you are here, embrace any and all emotions that come up; don’t push them away. Your emotions are here for a reason; they can teach you things about yourself if you allow them to! Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel all the feels. As you go on your post-breakup journey, remind yourself that you are unique, it’s your journey, and you don’t need to do it like anyone else- just honor yourself. You might start to wonder when it would be a good time to start dating again, and only you can answer that, but here are some things to think about:

5 Tips Before Jumping Into Your Next Relationship After A Breakup:

  1. The amount of time that one should abstain from dating after a breakup varies between individuals. Every relationship is different, every breakup is different, and every individual is unique. Just like someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, everyone who goes through a breakup, reacts and heals in their own way and in their own time. No one should ever force themselves into dating too soon and yet, no one should hold themselves back if they feel they are ready. As long as you are being honest with yourself and honoring what you know is right for you, you should do whatever that is, whether it is jumping into something that shows up shortly after your breakup or taking that time you need to heal before putting yourself “out there” again.
  2. If the breakup was amicable and the relationship  was not filled with drama, you may be ready to date again sooner than later, although once again, it depends on the person. Some personality types (the type that is incredibly independent for instance) might embrace that time in between relationships to focus on themselves. Regardless of the situation, it’s ALWAYS a good idea to take at least a little time to reflect on the relationship to see what you have learned about yourself and how you function in a relationship; what you liked and disliked and what you’re looking for in your next relationship.
  3. One of the negatives of jumping into another relationship quickly is that there is a good chance that you will “rinse and repeat;” (which happens to the best of us). Without doing the inner work to see what might be going on inside, we always will find ourselves ending up in the same relationship, except with another person.  Our outside experiences are a reflection of our inner reality, so if we haven’t done the work to really get to know ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally, we will continue to attract the wrong relationship. For example, if we at some level feel unworthy because of a negative relationship in our past, and we don’t do the work to change our story, to change that negative voice inside that is telling us we are unworthy, we will keep on attracting a person that will do or say things that make us feel unworthy.
  4. As human beings, we like to be held and to feel loved and desired so it’s hard to abstain from dating, however it’s important for people to be intuitive about what is best for them and to not let their ego (that voice inside that tries to run the show) take control and get them in trouble.
  5. What we can learn from time alone: When we have that time to look inside, no outside influences, no advice, no one else – just alone with our thoughts, tapping into our hearts, THAT’S where all of our answers reside. We learn about what we truly want in a relationship and what we don’t want, but more importantly, we learn about ourselves; we grow and evolve and come more into who we truly are. Whether we get to know ourselves by going to therapy, going to the ocean, reading books, meditating, or going on long walks, it’s all incredibly invaluable and the best thing in life that we can do for ourselves. Getting to know who we truly are is one of the most underrated aspects of life and when we do take that time, ALL of our relationships improve.

So, as you can see there are many ways to move on after a breakup. Do yourself a favor and don’t compare your story to someone else’s because that will only hinder you from truly being in the flow of your life and when you are in the flow, it’s from that place where you can manifest all that you desire. Hang in there, be present, focus on today and your person will show up sooner or later without a doubt.

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