What is unconditional love? You know it. You’ve had it. You deserve it. Think of the person you love the most right now. It could be anyone: a best friend, a child, a family member. Do you love them even if they mess up? Drive you nuts? Are you the first one to soothe them? You love them no matter what. Why? Because you love their essence. If they make mistakes, you want to be there, so they can recover with ease.
When it comes to the people in our life who we love regardless of anything, this concept is easy to accept. But the prospect of loving yourself unconditionally is much more difficult for most of us to wrap our heads around. Loving, forgiving, enjoying and accepting yourself absolutely and completely, flaws and all—that’s what I’m talking about. It’s only when you can do this that you will truly be open to receiving love.
Why is unconditional love so important? Our outer relationships are a direct reflection of our inner relationship with ourselves. If you are walking around the world feeling sorry for yourself, you will attract a partner who aligns with that feeling of unworthiness. But, if you can let all of the past negativity go and forgive and love yourself, you will attract the person who matches your true, authentic self.
Do your best to have the knowing that life happens for you, not to you. Everything in the past, it all happened for you to learn and grow and get to where you are today. And today, you are strong, confident and ready to live a life that stems from your most authentic self. The more you live your life in “victim mode,” feeling like life is happening to you, the more you will keep attracting the wrong partners and feel disappointment. And this cycle will just continue until you move from “victim mode” into “thriving mode” and learn to let go of the past and love yourself.
Sounds impossible, right? Nope- not at all. Loving yourself unconditionally actually can be quite simple. We are all born as love and have nothing but love for ourselves. Think back to when you were a little kid—you thought you were the “the bomb,” right? But as we go through life, it’s not long until we begin to experience heartache and heartbreak, and become disappointed with ourselves. We tell ourselves we are unworthy because we don’t look a certain way or we haven’t accomplished something we’d hoped to. As this happens, we forget who we truly are and we begin to put up barriers that we think will shield us from future pain, but in reality they prevent us from accessing our true selves and being authentically happy.
True happiness is as simple as dissolving those barriers of self-judgement and starting to forgive yourself. And luckily, I’ve got some exercises to help you get started. The first step is called compassionate self-forgiveness, saying things like: I forgive myself for thinking I am unworthy or unlovable. Next, follow up with truth statements about yourself: The truth is that I am lovable. The truth is that I am worthy of love. Repeat, repeat, repeat until you really feel it and KNOW it.
I understand this doesn’t come naturally for most people, but your future is worth going a little outside your comfort zone, right? If you’ve been unkind to yourself and thinking destructively, it can be challenging to simply stop. Trust me; it’s in your best interest to dissolve that habit and move on to a healthier perspective. The best way to get rid of one habit is to replace it with another, new and improved habit.
You don’t have to believe the new positive messages and self-affirmations at first, just practice. Follow the old saying, “Fake it ‘till you make it.” Over time, the more you practice being kind to yourself, the more you will actually feel loved by yourself unconditionally, which translates to “loveable,” which is imperative to having a successful relationship.